Dissapointment

I had my first test yesterday. For the last two weeks I have done hardly anything else, besides study for this test. I copied off information from books on the subject, got information from offline, used my notes, and used notes from a German girl who is in that class. I learned gobs of information, which I could explain from memory.

Then I went to the test yesterday. It was a spoken test. I was so nervous and hoping that all my hard work would pay off that I cried, which was really dumb of me. I couldn't control. This time I at least just left, calmed myself down, and came back and things went fine again. Before that they were fine as well. During the test I was able to answer all buy one question. I was nervous and she was looking at me as if I was dumb or something (it seemed) so I added a lot of "I think" or "I believe" at the end of my sentences which probably didn't help either. At the end I got a 3 which is like a C in the American system. Now, I know a C isn't bad, but I'm still disapointed.

Why? Because I did everything in my power to do well on this test. I knew that I would end up missing some points because I don't speak German as my first language and I end up missing things in class sometimes. But I was hoping for a B. I feel like the information I gave, and showing how much work and effort I put in to it, and how much stuff I did know (despite the fact that I didn't know a couple of things) should have earned me a B. The way she made it sound she actually wanted to fail me, but was giving me a C to be nice (they don't have D's here) cause "the grades don't really matter for you anyways." uh... hello? If the grades didn't matter I wouldn't be taking a test - I'd get a "teilnahmbescheinigung" which is a peice of paper saying I went to the class and took part.

So, I'm bummed and frustrated cause other than not cry and be more self confident, I don't feel like I could have done anything better. School is usually easy for me, so it's a little tough on me to have worked so hard only to have gotten a lower grade. I know other people haave this all time, and that here it is really only because of the language... but I feel like I did so much better, and that I actually deserved a better grade. That's what's frustrating, you know? If I deserved a C or even an F I'm fine. Then I got what I deserved. But I don't feel like I deserved this grade. And I have two more of these spoken tests in other classes, so now I'm more nervous for them as well. Will all that hard work again, only pay off in a 3 (C)? I'm going to e-mail the professor later to see what I could have done better to get a better grade, then apply that info to my next tests.

At least I have one class done with.