Have you ever had a revelation? Not a revelation in the Biblical sort of way, but a revelation of thoughts? A moment, when a thought comes to you, and it just makes so much sense, and hits home, that it changes your entire outlook on life? Well, I had one such moment, yesterday.

It was a thought that has occured to me before. One that I used to know, but I lost sometime in the past couple of years. When I came to Germany, I knew that I could change myself into the person I wanted to be. This is my clean slate year, when I can become the type of person I want to become. The only problem was, I didn't know what type of person that was going to be. All I knew is that I wanted to get settled here, and make some good friends. Well, I haven't made any good friends. Acquantences, yes. People who are becoming better friends, yes. But, not any really, truly, best friend types of people.

While I haven't specifically changed myself to make people like me here, I have thought about it. The people that I have talked to, and become friends with, all are typical 20-something year olds. They all like to go to Clubs, and Bars. Not to necessarily get drunk.. though this is the case with a few of the people. I am not this type of person. Sure, I'll go to a club or a bar, but I won't get drunk and I probably won't dance much at the club, and I prefer if the people I'm with don't get drunk either. It's just who I am.

So, what was my revelation? My revelation was that I am a really big GEEK, and that THAT IS OKAY! That I don't have to change who I am just to make friends. That I'd rather have no friends and be me, then have thousands and be someone I don't even recognize. I was talking to my friend Kelline the other day about things I really like doing, and in the midst of talking I realized that I'm a geek. Seriously. Here are the things I love to do:

1. Read my Bible (i've forgotten this lately, but I'm remember lately how nice it is to read it)

2. Decorate my future house/apartment I don't have, in my head.... i can spend hours looking through the home section of a store or a catalog and think about how I would decorate the house I'll have someday, for instance. I also like to day dream about a pretty garden in my yard, too.

3. Surf the Internet. I love to Surf the internet. I've spent many hours here in Germany occupying myself by surfing the internet. Looking up things on running, reading other people's blogs, whatever... it's quite addicting, and informing..

4. Playing Online Games. I know some of you know what I'm talking about. When you have nothing you have to do, or nothing you want to do, it's quite addicting to play a game online, for hours. For instance, I am addicted right now to Chess and Cribbage online.

5. Read - i could spend hours, DAYS, reading a book. I love reading. When I've had a bad day, I get lost in a book (or in a tv show) and get absorbed into their problems, because it makes mine seem not so bad. It cheers me if I'm lonely, or upset as well... it lets me escape for a while, and clear my head, which allows me to attack life or my problem with a fresh look.

6. House work - okay, so I don't LIKE doing housework, really, but I've noticed lately, that when I do it, and I make the apartment look really nice, I feel a sense of accomplishment and it makes me happy. I now can understand how parents do all that housework stuff that I've always hated doing. How they do not mind weeding the garden, or mopping the floor. While, it's not fun to do... there's a nice feeling when you make a place look good.

that's all I can think of at the moment.. but those things are sort of geeky things. We joked yesterday, that since school is starting, maybe i won't be so geeky because i'll have more to do. But, after she left, I realized, I don't WANT to change myself. Yes, those things are geeky. But, when I think about it, I think I'm just growing up a little, and I've always been a little geeky. I always will be. But the world needs us geeks... so I won't be trying to change myself anymore. And when I do, I'll remember that there is nothing wrong with being me... that my boyfriend fell in love with me when i was a geek, and still loves me now.. that God loves me just as I am.. and that I love me (along with lots of other people) geekiness and all... if that's the case.. then WHY SHOULD I CHANGE JUST SO THAT I CAN MAKE A FEW FRIENDS HERE? if they don't like me for who I am... then they can go make other friends.

so.. that's my revelation.. and you know what? Today, I feel like a huge weight is off of my shoulders. I've prayed and read my Bible two days in a row, and I've realized I can just be happy with myself. Life is wonderful.